Have you ever tried to introduce an idea at work only to have your co-workers say things like, 'That won't work here." Or," we tried that in 2004 and it didn't work then - so it isn't going to work now."
Sound familiar? Sure it does. That kind of response is based on, what I believe to be, a faulty premise. At the heart of this kind of thinking is a belief that goes something like this; if you've already tried something and it didn't work, don't bother trying it again. Sounds good, but it's simply not true.
The fallacy of that reasoning was so clearly demonstrated in the 1978 movie Same Time Next Year. The plot involves Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn's characters who meet by chance at a remote, romantic inn during dinner. Although both are married to other people, they end up spending the night together. They are wildly attracted to each other and agree that, although they are married, they will get together on the same weekend each year after that.
Each new scene of the movie opens with them arriving at the inn each successive year, always staying in the same room. They never miss a year, and every few years they seem to take on new personas. One year, Alda's character is buttoned-up corporate; stiff and angry, while Burstyn's character has just gone back to university (in the 60's) and is radical in both fashion and philosophy. A few years later Ellen has started a business and has taken on a touch, 'take-no-prisoners' approach to life. That same year Alda confesses to having gone through personal therapy and has morphed into a softer, more open-minded version of his former self.
Each year they have to adjust and re-acquaint themselves with the 'new' people they've become. They manage to make the adjustments and continue to find enough common ground between them to sustain the relationship for twenty-six years.
It's fascinating to see these two characters come back to the same hotel room, walk the same beach, eat at the same diner and yet be so very different year after year. It speaks to something fundamental about change, that is; the same place, same activities and even the same intent DO NOT equal the same result. Why - because, things change.
Alda and Burstyn's characters changed, they grew; their capacity for love, acceptance, awareness, their tolerance levels, perspectives, family configurations, skills, circumstances and motivators changed from year to year. What they wanted out of life, and their clandestine relationship, changed. All of those shifts contributed to the end result of the weekend being different. At times it was pure lust, on other weekends there were times of deep emotional sharing. One year Alda even delivered Burstyn's baby. I know - Hollywood.
The principle is this; you or your team or organization may have tried something before, but before is not now. You are different, your customer is different, the market has shifted, skill sets have changed and even the will of the people to succeed may be different.
So, don't throw away an idea just because you or others have tried it before. This time, this year may just be the year it works!
Showing posts with label making personal change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making personal change. Show all posts
What Surprised You In 2007?
What surprised you in 2007? What did you do that was different, new or novel to the way you usually do it? And, what did you turn your undivided attention to last year? Whatever it was you changed last year may hold a key to what you will be able to change this year.
Dr. Norman Doidge, in his book The Brain That Changes Itself - a fascinating review of brain research over the past fifty years - confirms what motivational experts have touted for decades - that our brains are plastic, not rigid machines, and can learn and unlearn almost anything. Our flexible brains change with every encounter we have, every thought we hold on to and every new experience we engage in. We construct 'brain maps' for particular behaviours and, when we want to stop that behaviour or start a new one, we must take the time to create a new 'map' that sends and receives new stimuli that foster new choices and behaviours. Good news for would-be changers!
But, there is a catch of sorts. Apparently new brain maps require three things to alter themselves significantly enough to either erase old patterns or create new ones. The stimuli that create new and improved maps must be:
Compelling: We don't change what we don't want to change. That is, in order for our brain to take us seriously enough to go to all the trouble of changing itself, it (we) must first believe that what we want to change is indeed worthy of the effort. Remember when parents and teachers used to say, 'now pay attention, this is important'? Apparently that's just the kind of heads-up we need to give ourselves if we want to alter our thinking and ultimately our behaviour.
Surprising or Novel: Our brains like to create maps for responding to situations and then run down the same path over and over. It makes us feel safe, calm and sure of our next step. So, if we want to effect a change, we need to jolt our old map into pliability by giving it something it doesn't expect instead of the same old, same old. For example, if you want to stop gossiping at work you might splash water on your face when you find yourself telling tales. A bit drastic you say? Ok, what about recording what you say for a week and play it back to see how rumors sound coming out of your own mouth. That mental slap in the face might just be what the old gossip brain map would find surprising enough to consider switching to a kinder, gentler communication style.
Focused: Simply put, you can't just cruise into new or out of old patterns. Research has shown us that even stroke victims can regain use of cognitive ability and lifeless limbs if new mental maps are created. But, it takes concentration and real effort if a mental map is going to re-organize itself to respond in new ways. So if you want to be a different kind of person this year at home or work, you will have to apply yourself diligently to the task. I know, I know, you were hoping I would say that you can just dream your way to a better you - we all want that. And, it's bunk. Your brain 'No Can Do'.
So, are you ready for a change? Help yourself by making your change compelling, surprising and focused for success?
If I can be helpful to you in achieving your goals this year, it would be my pleasure.
Dr. Norman Doidge, in his book The Brain That Changes Itself - a fascinating review of brain research over the past fifty years - confirms what motivational experts have touted for decades - that our brains are plastic, not rigid machines, and can learn and unlearn almost anything. Our flexible brains change with every encounter we have, every thought we hold on to and every new experience we engage in. We construct 'brain maps' for particular behaviours and, when we want to stop that behaviour or start a new one, we must take the time to create a new 'map' that sends and receives new stimuli that foster new choices and behaviours. Good news for would-be changers!
But, there is a catch of sorts. Apparently new brain maps require three things to alter themselves significantly enough to either erase old patterns or create new ones. The stimuli that create new and improved maps must be:
Compelling: We don't change what we don't want to change. That is, in order for our brain to take us seriously enough to go to all the trouble of changing itself, it (we) must first believe that what we want to change is indeed worthy of the effort. Remember when parents and teachers used to say, 'now pay attention, this is important'? Apparently that's just the kind of heads-up we need to give ourselves if we want to alter our thinking and ultimately our behaviour.
Surprising or Novel: Our brains like to create maps for responding to situations and then run down the same path over and over. It makes us feel safe, calm and sure of our next step. So, if we want to effect a change, we need to jolt our old map into pliability by giving it something it doesn't expect instead of the same old, same old. For example, if you want to stop gossiping at work you might splash water on your face when you find yourself telling tales. A bit drastic you say? Ok, what about recording what you say for a week and play it back to see how rumors sound coming out of your own mouth. That mental slap in the face might just be what the old gossip brain map would find surprising enough to consider switching to a kinder, gentler communication style.
Focused: Simply put, you can't just cruise into new or out of old patterns. Research has shown us that even stroke victims can regain use of cognitive ability and lifeless limbs if new mental maps are created. But, it takes concentration and real effort if a mental map is going to re-organize itself to respond in new ways. So if you want to be a different kind of person this year at home or work, you will have to apply yourself diligently to the task. I know, I know, you were hoping I would say that you can just dream your way to a better you - we all want that. And, it's bunk. Your brain 'No Can Do'.
So, are you ready for a change? Help yourself by making your change compelling, surprising and focused for success?
If I can be helpful to you in achieving your goals this year, it would be my pleasure.
Do You Believe in Santa?
Well, it's beginning to look a lot like, you guessed it - Christmas! What do you believe about this season? Some would say that, it's the most wonderful time of the year. These happy folks point to a celebration of God's goodness in sending joy, peace and love to we mortals, via the baby Jesus.
Looking around at the rising commercialism, rampant greed and frazzled families, straining to have the Hallmark Christmas, others would say that it's the worst possible time of the year.
Beliefs are powerful. Whatever you believe about the season will dictate how you think, feel and ultimately respond to the season's claims and activities. If you see this time of year as magical; a time when giving takes on new meaning and families reach out to each other, then those beliefs will prompt you to soften your judgments, open your wallet and arms to those you love and those in need around you.
Our beliefs serve as our mental operating systems. They kick in whenever we're faced with choices. Should we - shouldn't we? Do we - don't we? Our belief systems are in place by the time we are about 5 years old, and - for many - are never challenged. Our beliefs are a composite of our experiences and the sense we make of the things we have seen, done and had done to us. As small children - we live life, and then draw conclusions. If we were lucky, and life was good from birth to kindergarten, then our beliefs tend to be positive and life affirming. If we spent our formative years with negative or hurtful influences, then we often decide that life is painful and people - and the things they say - aren't to be trusted. Even if those people are Santa.
What do you believe? All of life's decisions get passed through the ole belief system and we need to dust ours off to make sure the beliefs we're operating on today are relevant, accurate and make sense for us now that we are adults.
If you can't change what you believe- you can't change! Let me leave you with a challenge. Take a look at what you believe about this season and ask yourself if what you believe needs updating. Then challenge yourself to learn, or participate in, one new thing this season that you've never done before or don't know much about. Then stand back and watch your belief system upgrade itself!
Looking around at the rising commercialism, rampant greed and frazzled families, straining to have the Hallmark Christmas, others would say that it's the worst possible time of the year.
Beliefs are powerful. Whatever you believe about the season will dictate how you think, feel and ultimately respond to the season's claims and activities. If you see this time of year as magical; a time when giving takes on new meaning and families reach out to each other, then those beliefs will prompt you to soften your judgments, open your wallet and arms to those you love and those in need around you.
Our beliefs serve as our mental operating systems. They kick in whenever we're faced with choices. Should we - shouldn't we? Do we - don't we? Our belief systems are in place by the time we are about 5 years old, and - for many - are never challenged. Our beliefs are a composite of our experiences and the sense we make of the things we have seen, done and had done to us. As small children - we live life, and then draw conclusions. If we were lucky, and life was good from birth to kindergarten, then our beliefs tend to be positive and life affirming. If we spent our formative years with negative or hurtful influences, then we often decide that life is painful and people - and the things they say - aren't to be trusted. Even if those people are Santa.
What do you believe? All of life's decisions get passed through the ole belief system and we need to dust ours off to make sure the beliefs we're operating on today are relevant, accurate and make sense for us now that we are adults.
If you can't change what you believe- you can't change! Let me leave you with a challenge. Take a look at what you believe about this season and ask yourself if what you believe needs updating. Then challenge yourself to learn, or participate in, one new thing this season that you've never done before or don't know much about. Then stand back and watch your belief system upgrade itself!
What Inspires You?
It's been a while since I've sat through a speech, movie or play that has left me motivated to be more than I am; to take up a cause and fight against the odds. Amazing Grace, the movie, has done just that. I don't often cry at movies, I did at this one. I cried because it reminded me that the impossible really is possible. And that 'never giving up' isn't just a slogan - it's the way important things get done. Mostly, it has reminded me that one person really can make a difference.
Elected to the House of Commons at the age of 21 and on his way to a successful political career, William Wilberforce, over the course of two decades, took on the English establishment, eventually persuading them to end the barbaric selling of humans for profit, at a huge cost to their business enterprises. Asking plantation owners to do without slave labor would be the equivalent to asking U.S. business today to operate without petroleum.
Wilberforce, almost single handedly, ended the slave trade in England. After a 20-year struggle against overwhelming opposition in Parliament, which the film artfully portrays, Wilberforce saw the end of British slave trading when, after numerous attempts, his 1807 abolition bill passed by a large majority. Twenty six years later, just three days before his death, slavery was abolished across all British Colonies as well. And, ultimately, British abolition had a profound effect on the conflict over slavery that led to the American Civil War, and the eventual end to the practice of slavery in the US.
William Wilberforce's example has inspired me to think about transformation. I recommend you go see the movie - and take your Kleenex. What about you? What cause, situation or circumstance in your life, community, or sphere of influence needs transforming? Does it seem impossible?
The motto for the US Navy Sea Bees in World War II was, "The difficult we do right away; the impossible takes a little longer."
What 'impossible' task will you take on this year? What skills do you have that some cause, project, family or non-profit organization are just crying out for? And, what are you willing to never give up on?
Elected to the House of Commons at the age of 21 and on his way to a successful political career, William Wilberforce, over the course of two decades, took on the English establishment, eventually persuading them to end the barbaric selling of humans for profit, at a huge cost to their business enterprises. Asking plantation owners to do without slave labor would be the equivalent to asking U.S. business today to operate without petroleum.
Wilberforce, almost single handedly, ended the slave trade in England. After a 20-year struggle against overwhelming opposition in Parliament, which the film artfully portrays, Wilberforce saw the end of British slave trading when, after numerous attempts, his 1807 abolition bill passed by a large majority. Twenty six years later, just three days before his death, slavery was abolished across all British Colonies as well. And, ultimately, British abolition had a profound effect on the conflict over slavery that led to the American Civil War, and the eventual end to the practice of slavery in the US.
William Wilberforce's example has inspired me to think about transformation. I recommend you go see the movie - and take your Kleenex. What about you? What cause, situation or circumstance in your life, community, or sphere of influence needs transforming? Does it seem impossible?
The motto for the US Navy Sea Bees in World War II was, "The difficult we do right away; the impossible takes a little longer."
What 'impossible' task will you take on this year? What skills do you have that some cause, project, family or non-profit organization are just crying out for? And, what are you willing to never give up on?
Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton is a changed woman….well, maybe not. Hollywood and CNN are fond of sensational stories and the idea that Paris – or anyone – goes from being self-centered, attention seeking and addicted to a role model for young girls in a matter of days, is the stuff fantasies are made of.
Don’t get me wrong, people change – and sometimes in dramatic, life altering ways. And there’s nothing like a stay at the county’s finest to motivate a person to begin the change process. Significant change often begins with an ‘ah-ha’ moment; a point in time where our behaviour collides with our world and we ‘see’ what we had been ignoring. But rarely is a dramatic event enough to ensure lasting change.
So, what does Paris (or anyone) who wants to make good on their promise to change their ways do after the shock of the ‘initial sensitizing event’ has faded? Hard work. Lots of hard personal work. There are specific steps to making significant personal change. She can use her jail stay to remind her of the pain of going back to her old ways….but it will take more than that to keep her on the path to a sober, more balanced life.
Don’t get me wrong, people change – and sometimes in dramatic, life altering ways. And there’s nothing like a stay at the county’s finest to motivate a person to begin the change process. Significant change often begins with an ‘ah-ha’ moment; a point in time where our behaviour collides with our world and we ‘see’ what we had been ignoring. But rarely is a dramatic event enough to ensure lasting change.
So, what does Paris (or anyone) who wants to make good on their promise to change their ways do after the shock of the ‘initial sensitizing event’ has faded? Hard work. Lots of hard personal work. There are specific steps to making significant personal change. She can use her jail stay to remind her of the pain of going back to her old ways….but it will take more than that to keep her on the path to a sober, more balanced life.
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